Context

The Franklin Institute has a program called Traveling Science Shows (TSS) in which a representative from the museum travels to schools and community events along the east coast to perform educational science shows. The science shows are one of the museum's most popular services and, because of this popularity, the marketing department was looking to make the TSS webpages more user-friendly. Likewise, the museum was preparing to send out the TSS guide and booking information for the upcoming school year. There was a strong desire for the website to look professional and function properly for the anticipated influx of visitors. My role in the project was to review the content that was already present on the site and make suggestions on how to improve both the textual information and the visual organization.

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Rhetorical Decisions

My revisions began with reflecting back to Cicero's canons of rhetoric. Aside from the canon of revision, I focused on the arrangement, style, and delivery of the current pages. Based on this criteria, the TSS homepage was the largest concern. Though the homepage linked to six subsequent TSS pages, none of those pages were as in need of revision as the homepage. I made the most edits there because I believe it to be the most important page. The homepage represents the first interaction visitors and potential customers have with the Traveling Science Shows and, in some cases, the museum as a whole. The homepage should entice them to read on and . The goal of my revisions were to improve upon the arrangement, style, and delivery of the homepage. Likewise, I aimed to create content that was both informative and persuasive while maintaining its clarity and coherency. At first glance, the opening paragraph of the homepage read:

 

"We bring our signature brand of science to you with hands on science activities for kids, bringing you engaging activities designed specifically with elementary and middle school kids in mind. These Traveling Science assemblies provide fun science experiments for kids, complete with interactive learning that creates infectious enthusiasm that spills over into the classroom!"

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The most concerning issue here was that there were too many words that weren't communicating effectively. Sentences are redundant, too vague or too specific, and overall create confusion. There is a lack of consistency with titling the program "Traveling Science Shows", yet also referring to it as "Traveling Science assemblies" within the opening paragraph. The style of the language was not conducive to communicating the rhetorical purpose of the TSS webpage: to accurately inform audience members of the TSS program in a persuasive way that will lead to teachers/community members to book shows for their school. Keeping in mind the rhetorical purpose, and that the audience of the Traveling Science Show webpage is mainly elementary and middle school teachers looking for new and exciting science shows, the following is my version of the opening paragraph:

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We’re taking our signature brand of science on the road with our Traveling Science Shows! With interactive, hands-on activities for middle and elementary school students, our shows instill audiences with a newfound enthusiasm for science that will seamlessly transition into the classroom.

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In my revised version, my goal was to cut down on the the wordy diction while still keeping the message and persuasion. This excerpt is only a small example of the kinds of textual revisions I made to the webpages. For a more substantial side-by-side click here and for a fully annotated revision of all of the TSS pages click here. Beyond my stylistic and textual revisions, I also made organizational suggestions about the list of links at the bottom of the homepage. Here I focused on the arrangement and delivery of the information. Within arrangement, I focused on how visitors of the site would have to navigate the links and whether or not the current layout hindered the visitor's usability. Likewise, within the canon of delivery, I focused on the specific location of the links and whether or not having them at the bottom of the page would be damaging to the overall rhetorical purpose.

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Based on Cicero's belief surrounding arrangement, specifically the ordering of information to increase effectiveness, I suggested that the order of the pages to be moved around to foster a more logical thought process and allow necessary information to be found quickly. I suggested the order of the pages to be:

• Traveling Science Shows

• Show Listings

• Pre-K Show Listings

• Tabletop Exhibits

• Information and Pricing

• Block Booking Opportunities

• Reserve Now

 

It is important to note that in my list I suggested changing some of link names to more consistent titles that accurately reflected the information on the subsequent pages. When looking at a program they are interested in, most audiences want to fully understand what the program is before knowing prices and how to book. The change in ordering is also in line with the canon of delivery in that it adheres to Cicero's concept of the hierarchy of information. I ordered the links by importance with the most important at the top and least important at the bottom. Likewise, based on the greater hierarchy of information within the whole page, I determined that the links were fine to stay at the bottom of the page. Because there was an additional sidebar that presented the same links, there was no reason to move the aforementioned section.

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Reflection

The difficulties of this project weren't in the tasks themselves, but rather the size of the project. Juggling the content of seven different webpages while trying to make sure they all flowed together in a clear and effective way took a large amount of time. I was, however, very excited to be working on a digital platform rather than writing print content and welcomed the challenges that the online content brought me.

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This project accentuated my editing sills in that it tested my knowledge of what to keep versus what to change. Based on my rhetorical skills, I was able to make informed decisions about which sections of content to revise and why. Additionally, my knowledge of rhetorical principles, in particular those relating to the arrangement and style of information.

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